I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
