somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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