I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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