People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
smell my finger.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize