she woke up with a sticky ear
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
