And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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