Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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