If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
