Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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