I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is Oprah even human
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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