Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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