I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
