Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
