Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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