R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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