I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
