I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
