i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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