i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
