u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
