Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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