there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
