you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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