I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
