I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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