Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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