that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
