4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
