Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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