That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
