I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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