just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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