This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize