I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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