I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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