we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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