Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
