Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
