Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
