remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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