we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
