Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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