Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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