So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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