My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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