why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
