he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
