Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
