Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
