new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
