I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
