all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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