you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
