shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
