Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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