I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
