I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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