can we get nightvision for the apartment?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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