I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
