I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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