ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
