My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
